I’m a conflicted gal.
I want the security, safety, warmth and gentleness of a well-thought-out-plan.
I want to be utterly surprised and amazed by what comes next.
I want to be outside at night, staring at the sky, dancing and laughing and drinking wine.
I freak out when someone shows up to ask what the hell we are doing making that rukus.
I want to be able to do crazy bendy yoga poses, and have that ridiculously named yoga body.
I have patterns in this body (hello, ITBs!) that create pain and instability when I practice in a strenuous yoga class.
I suspect I’m not alone.
I’ve learned how to deal with my conflicting desires by doing one remarkably simple and complicated thing. (seewhatididthere?)
I accept it.
It starts with knowing that this is how I am. Steadfastly mercurial. I often want two very different things AT THE SAME TIME.
When I first started investigating this idea of knowing how I want to feel, I had a lot of shoulds rolling around in my head.
I should want this, I should want that. This is what will be best for me lalalalalalalala
I got hungup on the idea that everything should fit in a cozy little box. But life ain’t like that.
Yeah, I want ease. I want that sensation of sinking in, relaxing, and even knowing exactly how it’s gonna be.
I also want to feel like I can get all fierce and throw my shoulder into the work and move fucking mountains. Drag myself through mud, leap over fires and get. it. done. Swing for the fences as hard as I possibly can.
That’s where acceptance comes in. Like all things in life, it’s a practice. We must practice acceptance over and over in order to learn.
[Tweet “When you get clear on what you want, you then need to accept it.”]
So, we learn to accept that we want these two apparently conflicting desires.
Practicing Acceptance.
When you feel that conflict arising. Notice how it feels in the body.
Achey heart. Heavy belly. Tight throat.
How it changes, if it changes. How it tightens and unfurls and tightens again.
Notice the thoughts that arise.
You are so fucking weird that you think this is normal. You need to pick ONE and that’s what’s real. You can’t be both. You can’t have it all…can you?
Accept that they are there. They’re just thoughts, after all. They aren’t always true.
This is the hardest part, btw. Thoughts can be convincing little buggers. Accept their existence, but not that they are always true.
You can practice this for a few short moments, for an hour, whatever. Don’t limit yourself to just once. Do it a couple times, at least.
It’s up to you.
This is how limberfierce came into being. It’s a combination of two CDFs. It’s fierce, but flexible. To feel able to run headlong into a problem, but bend around and through it. To be passionate, but willing to change your mind.
Looking back at those wants, especially to be the toned Yogi? As it turns out, this body can do a few Sun Salutations and tap right into that feeling of limberfierce just as it is. Achey legs and all.
I am (and you are) a conundrum.
A beautiful being, having a human experience. You are imperfectly perfect, and that’s exactly as it should be.
If you want to get closer to the heart of your matter, and what your soul is begging you for; I’m here to help. Ready to get started on the consciously joyful creation of your life?
