Last time, I brought up the notion of spring cleaning for your life. And I mentioned how awesome it is to say no.
Let’s talk a little more about that.
Sometimes saying NO can be just about the hardest thing in the world. But you gotta do it. And you can do it!
Marie Forleo calls it “taking a one way ticket on the NO Train.” If you have something important that you are working on, your default answer is NO. No to tasks, to requests, to projects unless they fit perfectly with what it is that you’re trying to do.
It ain’t a cakewalk at first, but the more you build that NO muscle (as Marie puts it), the easier it becomes to use it.
Say you’ve just been asked to serve on the board of a local group that supports a cause near and dear to your heart.
Art. Puppies. Foster Kids. Whatever tugs on those sweet heartstrings of yours.
But, you’re already working full time, taking care of your family, tending a garden, and volunteering with two other groups.
But, you really like this one. So you say yes.
And it winds up being a meeting a week, events on weekends, and time spent on the phone and email. And it’s more time away from home. Your garden is a jungle/prairie, your kids are acting out, and you feel completely drawn down and burdened by these causes you once loved.
Imagine instead that you had said “Thanks so much for thinking of me, but I have to pass. Have you tried (insert awesome person who would rock’s name here)?
And in one fell swoop, you said no AND were helpful at the same time. Win!
That’s saying No like a boss.
Sometimes you have to say NO to your guilty conscience to say YES to your soul.
It doesn’t hafta be a big thing you say no to, either.
“Honey, could you go get a _______ for me?” (I’m soooo guilty of making this request.) My husband is in the middle of a creative project, and he’s in the flow. He’s making art. And I want his help with what I’m doing at the time. He can:
A) interrupt his train of thought to come help me get my thing done
B) say “Can it wait a few minutes until I’m finished with this part? I’m right in the middle and if I stop now, I might not be able to pick it back up again.”
If I’m using my brain, I know that he wants to get his thing done. He needs to get his thing done. Making art is what makes him happy right now, not getting me a screwdriver. So, while my life is temporarily a little harder, it’s worth it for him to stay in his soulzone.
So, how do you say NO like a boss?
1. Tone is everything. Smile when you say/write it. Even a sad smile is better than none at all!
2. Thank the asker for thinking of you. Be grateful that you came to mind! (I wouldn’t expect my husband to do this for me when I ask for a screwdriver, but you get the idea.)
3. Be firm, but gentle. Nunna that “let me get back to you” or “I’ll think about it.” Don’t leave folks hangin. Just let em know!
4. You don’t have to tell the asker why, unless you want to! No need to make excuses! Also: Do. Not. Lie. This one can be really hard. Even little white lies will come around to bite you in the butt.
5. If you are able, offer them an alternative. Now, don’t go throwing someone else under the bus, but if you can help hook people up, go for it!
Here we go:
“Hey Holly, you should TOTALLY join this group we’re putting together. It’s right up your alley! We’re going to get together, maybe once a week, and talk about self care and how to destress. Then we’ll publish articles online! Whaddayasay?”
“Wow. That’s awesome that you thought of me for such a badass idea! I’m really sorry, I can’t though. I have a lot on my plate right now with my private yoga therapy clients and teaching classes. Have you talked to (insert awesome person’s name here)? She’s looking to write some articles about aromatherapy, and might be a perfect fit.”
So, let’s break it down.
Wow. big smile. That’s awesome that you thought of me for such a badass idea! thank them, in your own way. I’m really sorry, I can’t though. firm but gentle no. I have a lot on my plate right now with my private yoga therapy clients and classes. optional reason given. could have even left it at ‘I have a lot on my plate’. Have you talked to (insert awesome person’s name here)? She’s looking to write some articles about aromatherapy, and might be a perfect fit. genuine and useful alternative.
It’s a formula you have to tweak to suit you, but it’s solid. My NO muscle is gradually developing, and it’s helping to make my life simpler.
And can’t we all use a big dose of simple?
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