I’ve spent a big chunk of my life telling myself I was too lazy.

MY to-do list never ends. Sometimes I get tired, or overwhelmed. I like to read books or watch netflix sans pants. After a long day, it’s a win if I can fold laundry while watching TV.

I’ve ripped myself to shreds over it.

C’mon, Holly, you’re better than this. Look at all your friends and their clean houses and nice yards and exquisite homecooked meals. (It doesn’t hurt that some of these “friends” were actually fictional characters on the screen.) You love your work! You gotta be able to do more! Offer more! Be more, and have room for ALL THE OTHER THINGS YOU KNOW YOU CAN DOOOOOOOO.

It wasn’t working. (duh.)

I was miserable. I made myself sick over it. All I wanted was for things to be easy, but I wasn’t letting things actually be easy.

After a looooot of soul searching, it finally struck me.

Ease wasn’t…easy.

I was telling myself that what I wanted was bad for me. Somehow I had convinced myself that I wasn’t worthy of wanting more ease in my life. I wanted to feel soothed and nurtured, home and healthy. But I wasn’t letting myself feel that way, instead I was telling myself I was a lazy slob.

Ugh.

So now, I challenge you.

Ask yourself what will bring ease into your day.

Wait for an answer.

It might be Watch some TV tonight.

Or Sit on the porch.

Eat popcorn for dinner.

Then make it happen, or make room for it to happen.

When it comes, it’s like a sigh. Settling in to a hug from someone you love, or a reeeeaaally comfy cushioned seat.

Ahhhhhh.

ease.

It may take a little determination at first, but you can find out how you want to feel.

It’s the finding, the uncovering, that brings you to joy.

You can find yours.